When the Holidays Stir Old Wounds: Finding Your Center

Ricky Cortez
Dec 9
4 min read

Many people walk out of Thanksgiving carrying more than leftover containers. They carry conversations replaying in their minds. They carry tension in their shoulders that did not exist days before. They carry the heaviness of being with family members who touch tender places inside the heart. And often, they carry emotions they hoped they were past, yet something about gathering around a table brings them right back.

This season can stir feelings of not being enough. Not being heard. Not being seen. Questions about self-worth often rise quietly underneath the surface. For some, this time of year reactivates the old fear of being left, misunderstood, or emotionally alone. These are the moments when what some call the abandonment life trap begins to echo through the body. You might feel it as anxiety. Or a sudden need to withdraw. Or a deep ache that is hard to name.

If you felt this, you are not alone.

And nothing is wrong with you.

Holiday gatherings can activate the deepest layers of our nervous system. They awaken the part of us that learned long ago what love felt like, what safety meant, and where belonging seemed uncertain. When those moments feel overwhelming, the instinct is to fix them or push them away. But there is another way. A softer way. A way that teaches your mind and body how to return home to themselves.

Understanding Why It Feels So Heavy

When a loved one struggles, or when a conversation brushes against old wounds, the brain reacts as if something urgent is happening. Even if everyone around the table seems calm, your inner world might not feel that way. This is because your protective circuits take over. They want to prevent pain, restore connection, or make everything feel right again as quickly as possible.

But emotional heaviness does not mean failure. It means your system is responding to something that matters.

For some people, this heaviness is intensified by early life experiences. Adoption, surrogacy, and fostercare backgrounds, attachment wounds, complicated family histories, or childhood patterns of feeling unseen can magnify what holidays bring up. Even fully grown adults can experience the same internal responses they developed years ago. And if you are supporting someone who is carrying this weight, you may feel it in your own body too.

The Power of Regulation Before Repair

Here is the truth many of us forget. You do not have to solve everything in the moment. You do not have to take on someone else’s pain. You do not need to be perfect, healed, or endlessly strong.

You simply need to return to your center.

Stabilizing your own nervous system is the most powerful gift you can bring into any difficult interaction. When you regulate yourself, you create space for others to be heard without taking on their emotional storms. You offer steadiness instead of urgency. And you give yourself permission to meet the moment rather than absorb it.

A Practice to Carry Into This Week

Here is a small grounding practice you can use anytime the heaviness returns.

Sit quietly for a moment.
Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly.
Breathe in through the nose for four seconds.
Hold gently.
Exhale through the mouth for six seconds.
Feel your weight supported by the chair or floor.
Repeat the quiet intention:“I return to my center. I can be present without absorbing the pain.”

Use this before difficult conversations, after emotional moments, or whenever old patterns begin to rise.

A New Way Forward

You deserve to feel steady inside yourself. You deserve to understand what your body is trying to say. And you deserve support while you walk through these heavier seasons.

Whether your holiday was joyful, complicated, or a mix of both, this is your reminder that your feelings are valid. You are learning. You are growing. You are allowed to take time to breathe, notice, and reconnect with the parts of you that know how to heal.

Carry this with you into the week ahead. Let curiosity guide you instead of judgment. And when the old wounds begin to speak again, meet them with the same gentleness you wish you had received when they were first created.

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💚 Ready to Root?

Whether you’re showing up solo, with your partner, your kids, or your work team—you are welcome here. My job is to hold space, guide practices, and offer a roadmap for reconnecting to the wisdom already inside you.

I invite you to come curious, come messy, come as you are.

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Find Your Calm with CARE. If you’re not able to participate directly, I’d be deeply grateful if you’d share CARE with friends, family, or colleagues who may benefit.

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